To be or not to be

Indecision is my biggest vice. I am forever weighing the pros and cons of any situation. It comes out of fear and lack of confidence I suppose. I am afraid of coming to a decision and not being able to handle things when stuff goes wrong. It is difficult to choose when every situation has its advantages and disadvantages. You win some and you lose some.

My journey through life has brought me to a fork right now which leads to two different paths. Both seem worthwhile from where I stand. Both the paths can lead me to where I want to be in life, my ultimate goal. So which one do I choose? One of the paths will put me on my way to the goal a wee bit sooner than the other one. I really want to stick to that one. But the people closest to me advise me to take the other path which requires a lot of patience from my side. If I stick to that path I will end up in a similar situation after a year when I will have to make a choice again.

The decision has to be mine and I am as usual confused. This is the first major decision I will be taking in my life. I have always been offered stuff before on a platter. In a way I am spoilt as a person and it is not a good thing at all.

I have always been a dreamer all through my life and so far my dreams have remained just that. When you want your dreams to transform into reality you gotta get on the field and play the game, make choices, make mistakes, learn from them and keep going until you achieve what you really want.

I have been waiting in the pavillion for my turn to come all this while. Dreaming of hitting a century, winning the match, being the man of the match, getting a standing ovation from my team mates and the audience, holding the cup high up in the air and making my captain and my team proud of me. All this while sitting in the pavillion waiting for my turn.

After the coin is tossed, heads or tails, I have to abide by the rules, once it is decided our team has to bat, I need to make up my mind whether to go in first or wait for my turn after one batsman gets out. So with the later option I will have to wait until the batsman gets out.

At this point of time my life is at the stage when the coin is tossed and I am watching the coin somersault in air. Whatever be the outcome I shall accept it with all humility, I have no choice there. What I am worried about is what if I have to bat? Will I be able to do it? Will I be able to handle the pressure of going in first? or listen to what my coach says and simply wait in the pavillion until the first batsman getsout?

All this is bogging me down. Winners are made of sterner stuff. I have never aspired mediocrity or sameness in life. Not many are going to be around to support me in any decision I take. They are all waiting to point fingers at me when I fail.
"Look I told you this was going to happen" "You never listened to us anyway now you suffer the consequences"

Am I ready to stand by my decision and fight against the whole world all alone? I want to. I am praying hard. I need strength to go through this. It may not me that big a deal for anyone else. For me it a fight for my life and my goals.