The Best Things Ever - Courtesy Uncyclopedia

The Best Things Ever
God
Timelessness-4 billion BC

God wins the slot for the first Best Thing Ever, as he is reported to be the only thing ever for a long, unimaginable stretch of time. As the creator of the list itself, he brought a second thing into being, at first solely for the purpose of giving his sense of self-confidence something solid to believe in, but soon the joy of creating things got the best of him, and he went wild.

Oxygen
4 billion BC-60 million BC

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and a bunch of other boring shit that everyone takes for granted. Yadda yadda yadda, and then He created life. This life promptly died within the first few minutes of creation, no matter how many times He tried to make it. Eventually, He realized that the life He created couldn’t breathe, and so He invented oxygen, which allowed life to flourish.
God then realized that, according to the list, He had created something even more important than Himself, and went into seclusion for 4 billion years and running. His last words were reportedly “Yeah, well, I was on the list the longest, and nothing’s going to take that record from me!”
And you know what? There’s no way to prove Him wrong.


Humans
60 million BC-45 million BC

And the life known as ‘Dinosaur’ died, and so humans stepped up to claim their position as the greatest species on planet earth. They survived the alien death rays that killed off the dinosaurs, and as such, they celebrated. They threw such a wild party that creation itself took notice of them, and inscribed homo sapien on the Official List of the Best Things in Existence.